You see, you don’t.

Of my most innocent days, of admiring colors in the wings of a butterfly, and days of staring blankly at the rain or tucking myself in bed only to feel cozy in the warmth I am in, emphasized by the cold, I had once wished for Harry Potter’s cloak too. I was certain I wanted to make myself disappear.

And then one day my little heart understood why comics were labeled ‘Marvel’. These didn’t contain fairytales but you would marvel by the idea, your imagination would thrive in the stories, devouring every ounce of fiction. I once dreamt of getting superpowers too.

I now come at the age where I stare at my old self, because my comic spent childhood is like a dream I woke up from. And now X-men to me means irrelevant. X-men. I don’t need special abilities. I grew up typical, and yes my imaginations and dreams thrived in books. I did go through a phase where I can be labeled a bookworm. And again I tell you, I am at this age now. And writers don’t need to bring me fiction. Because one day I met her, she is so beautiful and so perfect in her imperfections, and here I am, a typical.

One day I met her and woke up from my entire childhood. Harry Potter’s cloak, Marvel’s special powers, X-men abilities, fiction, see she proved to me that I did not need those things to be invisible.

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To the love I lost but the me I gained back

In the end
I was only a person
caught up in an idea
that I could still make it work
I was still fighting
but you were already packing up

I was foolish enough to be lost
in a maze I was searching for a way out
out of love
I never found my way out
I learned to settle at a dead end
Of shivering nights and silent days

There was no love left but mine
and I had to give it to myself
because I needed love
and there was no one
Everyday I woke in that dead end
and I was alone

I learned to settle in that dead end
because I was too exhausted to find my way out
I was too lost to find my way out
I did not have to exhaust myself
in finding a way out
That was when it stopped being a maze

I made a home in that dead end
I found a home
a new start by the end of us
I wasn’t lost in a maze
It may have been a strange place without you
But it was the me I gained back

When you forget to remember

It’s all downhill from here

passion’s fading

it gets easier

you start to hear the birds chirp again

in the mornings

when you woke up in the smell of brewed coffee

in the nights when you’re okay

watching a movie by yourself

when you’re not with him

and not lonely at the same time

when you’re eating homecooked dinner

and you forget to remember him

 

This is letting you go

If you’re not happy

if I’m not enough

if we’ve outgrown our love

if you’re not my forever

if I’ve stolen too much of your sleep



and if it’s all of the above

I’ll not beg you to fight for us

oh if you could unbreak

because this is how

I still love you so dear

 just as in the very beginning

but so much more

so this is letting you go

Blurring of the dichotomy between dreams and reality

You are in the line
between reality and dreams
on whether we turn into an “us”
or you remain being
my dream
or a shattered dream

Sometimes silence attacks me
so violently at night
I’d sleep with earphones plugged in my ears
fall asleep with the sound of a classical song
it mimics the peace in my mind
before your silence started to haunt me

Sometimes in the day
it’s okay to shut off the world
and go back to bed
maybe it was just a dream
but it felt real
I know this pain is real

Remnants

There are whispers of “I love you”
that give people warmth
in cold silent nights,
when the world seems to be asleep
but love doesn’t sleep.
It’s the same breathe that screams at hearts
when the memories replay
in cold silent nights.

Echoes will haunt,
tears won’t run out,
dreams will stay as dreams – unreal.

And when the day comes
you will finally understand
why break ups are called break ups.