To the love I lost but the me I gained back

In the end
I was only a person
caught up in an idea
that I could still make it work
I was still fighting
but you were already packing up

I was foolish enough to be lost
in a maze I was searching for a way out
out of love
I never found my way out
I learned to settle at a dead end
Of shivering nights and silent days

There was no love left but mine
and I had to give it to myself
because I needed love
and there was no one
Everyday I woke in that dead end
and I was alone

I learned to settle in that dead end
because I was too exhausted to find my way out
I was too lost to find my way out
I did not have to exhaust myself
in finding a way out
That was when it stopped being a maze

I made a home in that dead end
I found a home
a new start by the end of us
I wasn’t lost in a maze
It may have been a strange place without you
But it was the me I gained back

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Withered flower

To the last petal that drops on the soil

time had gone so vividly

for every noontime sun taking away the morning mist

you have waited for feelings to past

and now the last petal had dropped

and there’s nothing but a browned stem

how did it come to be

that your memories are still very fresh

repeating themselves like the sound of raindrops on roofs

loud

Lost, not found

that bouquet of roses in the garbage

have you seen the girl crying at the corner of her bed

Is she sleeping with her ex

has she gotten that text

she had been waiting for

the last two weeks

It’s past ten

Is she sleepy

Is she still waiting

what does she want

a call

a text

an apology

I’ll give it to her

have you seen her

confused

in love

longing

I’ve been looking

everywhere

to find her

hug her

whisper empty promises

in the nights

her soft caress

innocent and pure

her voice

my cold heart

craves for the warmth

of her flawless skin

I’ll give her all of my cold heart

and when I do

I need her to believe

to believe in me once again

She is somewhere

hiding in the corner

crying

breaking

used

 I want her mine

and I want more than her

She is probably wondering who I  really am

I’m the guy she broke herself for

she probably forgot me

she had probably

already moved on

or maybe

maybe she doesn’t even

know me

maybe she is yet to meet me

maybe I left her without knowing

what I had to lose

maybe she’s waiting for me

I still want more of her

I’m coming back for her

She is hollow inside

she is wondering who emptied her heart

who took it with him

trapped it in a bottle with the others

have you seen her

If you see her

please tell her

she needs a little light

tell her it was me

-Mr. wrong

 

When you forget to remember

It’s all downhill from here

passion’s fading

it gets easier

you start to hear the birds chirp again

in the mornings

when you woke up in the smell of brewed coffee

in the nights when you’re okay

watching a movie by yourself

when you’re not with him

and not lonely at the same time

when you’re eating homecooked dinner

and you forget to remember him

 

Bookworm

Remember when he held your hands.

Remember the days you would miss him but he would be back.

It’s Sunday evening and you’re sitting outside,

the porch light in a yellow mood.

the wind is cold,

your breath is lonely.

Remember when he used to offer you his coat.

Remember when he took you to the beach one time.

Now another week has gone by.

You sit under the porch light again,

this time reading a book.

You can still hear him say

“read this, this one’s really good”

Yes, you take refuge in books.

A gust of wind blows and you just let it turn the pages,

as you were deep in thought…

Remember when you went out for movies,

Remember when you biked down 5th avenue,

going faster and faster,

like you never had to worry about falling down.

Remember?

You always forget why you don’t

have to remember these things anymore.

Blurring of the dichotomy between dreams and reality

You are in the line
between reality and dreams
on whether we turn into an “us”
or you remain being
my dream
or a shattered dream

Sometimes silence attacks me
so violently at night
I’d sleep with earphones plugged in my ears
fall asleep with the sound of a classical song
it mimics the peace in my mind
before your silence started to haunt me

Sometimes in the day
it’s okay to shut off the world
and go back to bed
maybe it was just a dream
but it felt real
I know this pain is real