Because I couldn’t

For a while I had forced him to fit my narrative.
I did not want to make it easy for him to leave,

paint him the bad guy because I couldn’t watch him walk out on us.

Because I couldn’t.

I guess he will always just be that special person but not the one.

I had given up everything including myself just to win back someone who was long gone.

But even the most stupid of mistakes, I would gladly do over and over.

I guess he will always be that person, just not the way we were together.

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April

When I open my eyes

there are no more arms enveloping me.

There is no more additional body warmth.

Now it just feels colder outside.

And more than anything, inside.

I see the empty space beside me.

She is the first thing I think about.

There are so much traces of her in my everyday.

The food I eat, the music I hear, the memories I remember.

I should’ve known it was a lie to believe

that she would leave.

Not different from all the other lies.

I see her in my everyday.

It almost feels like a lie that she left.