bitterness

To the love I lost but the me I gained back

In the end
I was only a person
caught up in an idea
that I could still make it work
I was still fighting
but you were already packing up

I was foolish enough to be lost
in a maze I was searching for a way out
out of love
I never found my way out
I learned to settle at a dead end
Of shivering nights and silent days

There was no love left but mine
and I had to give it to myself
because I needed love
and there was no one
Everyday I woke in that dead end
and I was alone

I learned to settle in that dead end
because I was too exhausted to find my way out
I was too lost to find my way out
I did not have to exhaust myself
in finding a way out
That was when it stopped being a maze

I made a home in that dead end
I found a home
a new start by the end of us
I wasn’t lost in a maze
It may have been a strange place without you
But it was the me I gained back

Bookworm

Remember when he held your hands.

Remember the days you would miss him but he would be back.

It’s Sunday evening and you’re sitting outside,

the porch light in a yellow mood.

the wind is cold,

your breath is lonely.

Remember when he used to offer you his coat.

Remember when he took you to the beach one time.

Now another week has gone by.

You sit under the porch light again,

this time reading a book.

You can still hear him say

“read this, this one’s really good”

Yes, you take refuge in books.

A gust of wind blows and you just let it turn the pages,

as you were deep in thought…

Remember when you went out for movies,

Remember when you biked down 5th avenue,

going faster and faster,

like you never had to worry about falling down.

Remember?

You always forget why you don’t

have to remember these things anymore.

Blurring of the dichotomy between dreams and reality

You are in the line
between reality and dreams
on whether we turn into an “us”
or you remain being
my dream
or a shattered dream

Sometimes silence attacks me
so violently at night
I’d sleep with earphones plugged in my ears
fall asleep with the sound of a classical song
it mimics the peace in my mind
before your silence started to haunt me

Sometimes in the day
it’s okay to shut off the world
and go back to bed
maybe it was just a dream
but it felt real
I know this pain is real

On remembering us

I remember the words once said
glimmers of hope lit up
butterflies awoken from sleep
’til every song that touched my ears
spoke of only one name

I remember the silhouette of the moon
tha faint fantom stars
the warmth of a hand
the memories of the night

I remember the living dreams
and then every promise you broke
I’ll remember and I’ll run away
I remember and I stop

Someday, the songs I hear
won’t be about you.
Someday, I’ll forget
why I even bother remembering.

Stellar

We live in a world where black is darker than white even when white is a combination of all colours. People fear the vast emptiness of the night and forget to look up and see that it only takes one small circle of white light to brighten our world. For the lover crying at the corner of the bed, for the man with the other woman, for the lost who fell hopeless when the lights faded, and for the most of humanity, faith escapes at night.We hold on to broken dreams. We play with the possibilities. We trust our dreams on dying stars.

Remnants

There are whispers of “I love you”
that give people warmth
in cold silent nights,
when the world seems to be asleep
but love doesn’t sleep.
It’s the same breathe that screams at hearts
when the memories replay
in cold silent nights.

Echoes will haunt,
tears won’t run out,
dreams will stay as dreams – unreal.

And when the day comes
you will finally understand
why break ups are called break ups.

Before dawn

 

Waking up beside her ghosts as the mind’s eye dwells

Unsafe in the tawny silence of the morning gray

The past deadly echoes like faint phantom bells

There’re no tides to turn leaving questions at bay

 

When thus alone the memories thwack

The air is still and the road is lonely

For none else in his abode to come back

To work he walks alone in dilly-dally

 

Ardour minutes lay in its approaching

The sky an azure with pearly whites

He keeps walking as daylight is in its coming

At the end of the tunnel he’ll catch the morning lights